More Than Answers: My Journey in the Seminary

The value of critical questioning, humility, and staying curious

Entering the seminary in 2017, I viewed it as a place to simply seek answers—to know how to deal with the hurting, the inquisitive, and even the defensive, to determine whether I was called to be a pastor, and to prepare an arsenal of verses, theories, and strategies for the travails of church leadership and everyday Christian life. For seemingly shallow reasons, I also entered the seminary to simply know which books were part of which testament, how scripture came to be and why it was considered infallible in light of its human authorship, and what set apart our faith from the rest.

Graduating in 2021, I came to understand that one’s faith journey was not defined by answers or receiving an explanation for every conceivable question; rather, it was in being confident in the unknown and fully embracing the mysteries of our faith in spite of those gaps; when our outlook in life rests not in answers but in the powerful nature of God. Forming one’s consciousness about God was never intended to be perfect and linear—it is messy, confusing, fearful, and at the same time, enlightening, healing, and empowering. I remember Peter, who, despite being called the rock, sunk beneath the waters, betrayed Christ, slept in the garden, and even argued with the disciples on who was the greatest. As much as I wanted to know more about God, He was not meant to be defined and compartmentalized at all. If He could be neatly understood and encapsulated after just a few years of seminary, then that would belie His nature as the creator of space, time and the universe.

Seminary taught me that my persistent quest for answers was self-centric; not everything was about me. Receiving theological education can easily cause one to fall prey to arrogance and becoming overcritical towards one’s faith community. Having been exposed to senior pastors and church leaders, who in their own right, had their wealth of knowledge and experience, I found myself becoming humbler. As much as I consumed knowledge from the mountains of readings, came the crashing reality that I actually knew so little. Seminary opened my eyes to things that I had to learn, to unlearn, and to relearn—that curiosity was such an important trait to learning; that all of us should come to class, leaving our pre-understandings, biases, and prejudices out the door.

Having taken pastoral counseling, I became all the more aware of the empathy and compassion needed to journey with others—that at the center of loving Christ is loving His people. At ATS, I interned for Balay Rehabilitation Center, an NGO for displaced persons and victims of EJK. I heard stories of injustice and grief; that despite being armed with a law degree, there was nothing I can really do; that one’s words can only go so far. I visited communities and churches in the worst places of the country, not just to complete a school requirement, but to actually witness that kingdom building was about His people, and not just about church projects and services. I took on clients for counseling sessions, finding myself overwhelmed with the issues they faced while going through life—that trauma and depression were not just words that we haphazardly throw around when something does not go our way; it is a condition and a pervasive way of thinking that can affect one’s self-worth and identity. That one cannot just pray away a hurt; that oftentimes, slapping a Bible verse does not have the healing effect we think it has, if we disregard extending compassion and a listening ear; after all, Jesus Himself walked, ate, slept, celebrated, grieved, and engaged with those in need.

My seminary education has challenged me to use my learnings to rebuild and redefine the normal. In a time where church gatherings are limited to seeing each other through screens and in Zoom squares, how can I continue becoming a channel of healing that people so desperately need?

Ultimately, it is in the example I show, and not in the degree I finish, that I can fulfill Christ’s mission and be one with the church in becoming a lampstand to the nations.