New York, New York: Conquering the Bar in the Middle of the Pandemic

March 2020. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I was at the brink of finishing my Master’s Degree in the US—a dream that I’ve had since my childhood days. It truly felt like I was at the pinnacle of the work that I had put in since the start of my legal career. I was also set to take the New York Bar in July, a few months after graduation, which would cap off the last leg of my stay in the US. Yet, Charles Dickens’s immortal lines in “A Tale of Two Cities” was more relevant than ever. Even as I was celebrating, the world was falling apart.

In a matter of days, the world as I knew it disappeared because of COVID-19. Everything from schools, restaurants, and museums closed up. Learning suddenly shifted to virtual and going out had become a matter of necessity rather than leisure.

Soon, it would be announced that graduation would be cancelled and that the NY Bar would be postponed indefinitely. The news was devastating for someone who had looked forward to graduating since day 1 of this journey.

June 2020. My stay at the US had finally (and abruptly) come to an end. There was no graduation, no festivities, and worse, no loved ones to celebrate with. My Kuya and I were headed home after three unexpected flight cancellations, which led to around three weeks of sleeping on the floor without furniture and living out of a box of clothes. Still, we were beyond blessed to be flying home, having completed our program and carrying with us beautiful memories of Washington DC. Even if I loved life in the US, I still missed home and the people that made it home.

As for the bar, a few days before flying, miraculously, foreign attorneys were allowed to register after initially being disqualified. This time, the bar was tentatively scheduled to be administered in New York in September. The plan was to fly back home to the Philippines then somehow fly back right before the exam. However, it’s been an unpredictable year so far and planning just about anything seemed irresponsible.

August 2020. An announcement came that the Bar would again be postponed to October, but this time, it would be administered remotely.

This posed several challenges for me.

First, we were still in the middle of a pandemic. There was no escaping the fact that the world changed overnight and it seemed that things were getting exponentially worse by the day. No vaccine was yet in the horizon and every day was a mental struggle. Coming from the original July exam date, it was disorienting to prepare for an exam with an end date that kept on changing. With everything up in the air, it was tiring to study with the thought that the exam could be postponed anytime because of the pandemic.

Second, since the test would be fully online, live proctoring was impractical. Thus, bar takers would be recorded for the entire duration of the exam. Any unnecessary movements away from the view of the webcam could mean instant forfeiture or disqualification. This was particularly difficult for me to comprehend as I fidget a lot during exams and sitting up straight without moving too much seemed impossible to do for three or so hours. It also didn’t help that there were reports circulating from states other than New York that students were not allowed to take the exam anymore just because of an interruption in their internet connection.

Third, we were advised that the October remote exam would be half the length of the regular, pre-pandemic face-to-face exam. While some people viewed this positively, a vast majority felt that this greatly decreased our margin of error; the less questions asked, the less room there was to make mistakes, and the less chance there would be to redeem your score once mistakes are made.

Lastly, the exam time was based on Eastern Time in the US, which meant that I had to be awake at 12 AM to take the exam until 3:30 AM. This would be for two days straight. By far, this was the biggest challenge for me. Adjusting my body clock to be awake at the designated time was not as easy as, say, pulling an “all-nighter” — something that I had gotten used to in law school. Aside from merely staying up, I had to make sure that that window was when my mind would be at its peak performance and that even with the adrenaline rush after the exam, I would somehow find a way to fall asleep so that I could recharge for day two of the test.

Other than these peripheral issues, there was also the main task of studying 16 different subjects, most of which I would be reading about for the first time during bar review. Each subject was a separate body of law consisting of multiple subtopics and its own sets of rules; to describe the subject matter as voluminous would be an understatement.

August – September 2020. Bar review flew by quicker than expected. My study days were basically the same: wake up at around 10 AM, study for an hour, have lunch, study until 6 PM, have dinner or attend home church until around 8 PM, devotion with Erika until 9 PM or so, study some more until 12 AM, take practice exams until 4 AM, then sleep.

However, studying wasn’t the only thing that happened.

By God’s grace, I was able to attend Erika’s virtual graduation, where she was recognized for finishing with honors. This wouldn’t have been possible were it not for the pandemic that forced us to go home. It was a simple ceremony but meaningful nonetheless. To be present with her and the entire family was one of the highlights of my year. As a bonus, I was also able to be with Erika for her birthday. We spent the morning giving out care packages to the less fortunate and we threw her a simple birthday lunch.

My spiritual life also took an unexpected boost during the pandemic. Our home church was able to meet almost every day, unlike before where we would physically meet only once a week. I was also able to do regular devotions with Erika, which led to deeper conversations about our life and how everything was falling into place despite the circumstances in the outside world.

What I was most thankful for were the conversations and moments that would not have happened without the pandemic. The small things, when taken together, truly brought about a change in perspective and appreciation of what was really important and what wasn’t.

October 2020. The day has finally come. Because the internet connection at home was intermittent and black outs have become more frequent, I decided to take the exam at a hotel. Kuya would be sleeping in the next room while I take the exam in the living room. The anticipation was nerve-wracking. My exam routine was simple: an hour before, I would pray with Erika and my family, and I would listen to “Won’t Stop Now” by Elevation Worship on repeat, which was the same song I would listen to every 12 AM before I would take my practice exams during review. I felt God in the room with me during those quiet moments when I would be awake and the rest of the people in my side of the world would be fast asleep. There was an overwhelming sense of peace, that I was being watched and cared for by the creator of the universe.

In hindsight, taking the exam in the comfort of my home country, surrounded by loved ones, provided the best conditions for me to perform well. If not for the pandemic, I would be taking the exam in New York, with a thousand other hopefuls, in unfamiliar surroundings.

As expected, the exam was tough. At the halfway point, I was just too exhausted to think because I was too preoccupied with sitting still and making sure my eyes were glued to the screen to avoid any impression of misconduct. I got word after the exam that some people were not able to take the exam at all because of technical issues. They would have to take the February 2021 exam. Considering that I was taking the bar from the Philippines—which is notorious for our subpar internet—just to be able to take the exam to its completion was a blessing in itself. It was over before I knew it.

December 2020.

After a long wait and just days before Kuya’s wedding, it was speculated that the results would be released on December 16. The wait was upsetting because there was no notice whatsoever on the exact date of release, only that the results would be released “mid to late December.” In other states, the announcements were released just hours before the exam results were posted. During this time, I simultaneously got moral support and information from an online forum composed of bar takers like from all over the US.

Finally, rumors from a reliable source in New York came in that the results would be released that morning (which meant before the end of the day in Manila). I was floored and thankfully Erika and I had a regular video call during that time. For fear of an undesirable test result, I was not supposed to inform my family that the results were bound for release literally any minute. Somehow, they wound up finding out online and moments later we were all gathered around my laptop, waiting for the results to drop.

Next thing I knew, an email had arrived from New York, which led me to a download link of a letter from the Board of Law Examiners. After reading the first two lines, my eyes zoomed in on a word resembling “congratulations,” and everything just went blank. I had passed the New York Bar. I cried and I cried. God heard my prayers.

Conclusion. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed in 2020 just like the rest of the world. After all, I was still human, a person with his own ambitions and expectations of how life should be for me. But, looking back, there were a lot of things that I received in exchange for what I lost. Or thought I had lost. I can’t imagine how life would look like if COVID-19 never struck. The progression of my relationships in 2020 largely relied on the conversations I shared with people through and because of the pandemic. Were you to take those away, it would have been an entirely different trajectory of my life, my career, and my relationships.

Truly God’s ways are higher than mine. When I thought the world was falling apart, He reminded me that He is the firm foundation. He can still meet our prayers even if the circumstances seem to be against us. He did it for me. He still allowed me to take the exam and pass it even if I didn’t see it ever happening. Even in the darkest hour, He stood by me, rescued me, and empowered me.

I give You glory For all You've brought me through And now I'm ready For whatever You want to do

I'm moving forward To follow after You And now I'm ready For whatever You want to do

Your presence Is an open door We want You Lord like never before

Your presence Is an open door So come now Lord, like never before

In every season Your grace has been enough And I'm believing The best is yet to come

The cross before me My hope on things above And in You Jesus The best is yet to come

I know breakthrough is coming By faith I see a miracle My God made me a promise And it won't stop now

“Won’t Stop Now”